Little Miss Magic

Possibly 1998's biggest piece of shit, Little Miss Magic

Well, I actually don't know what to say about this. And I couldn't find any clips of it on YouTube so I feel I'm hardly going to do it justice, but wow. One fateful day at a second hand store I found a "family movie pack", of 10 seemingly low-budget, straight to DVD films that looked like an absolute treasure trove. So while sitting on the couch hungover, January 1st, I decided to surprise my company with a film from it, and I am as equally sorry as I am not at all sorry for what we endured.

Little Miss Magic - looks like a fun and energetic 90s film about a girl floating various pieces of outdated technology over her head, in some sort of Sabrina The Teenage Witch-esque novelty piece. Instead, right from the get-go it is a colourless, lo-fi and terrible (and I do mean terrible) CGI with the acting and production qualities of something like a midday movie or a bad episode of Touched By An Angel.

Storyline is that "Little Miss Magic" is an aspiring student witch, under the tuition of a CGI old mans head floating in flames, that needs to pass some sort of final test to graduate. The test is fairly ambiguous, but I can only gather it involves getting some random guy a promotion and fixing his marriage despite his wife having a secret embezzling scheme happening from her husbands business accounts. Or something like that. So if magic did exist, in the scheme of the entire world, I can see how this would take top priority for the witches!

Enter massive plot hole 1: The witch is dropped off to their house under the guise of "your long distant cousin died and you get custody of his daughter". No questions, no paperwork, no police screening process, just bam, "Here have this kid, see you later, bye".
The couple are heading out to dinner, so they arrange a babysitter to come - once again, a total stranger - and no one stops to see if this girl is okay following her supposed parents death, or the fact that she's just been made to move in with some random strangers who would rather go out to dinner than help her settle in. But anyway. Let's just say following this, is a bunch of really loose storyline, insane continuity errors (like its day in one camera angle, then night in another then back to day, or the clock on the wall shows a totally different time to the part of day being portrayed in the film). Add in a few really weird computer ghost goblin things, and you've got yourself a film!

The unanimous peak of the film was one magical punishment which made everything go backwards for one guy. I wish it was on YouTube, it is amazing - its all of the footage being played in reverse, but the guy walking forward. How on earth did they do it? You can tell he was awkwardly walking backwards in the original shots so they could put the whole thing in reverse. It's the stupidest, most awkward and most amazingly hilariously shit you will see for quite some time.

Aside from that, this film was actually shit. One magical star.