Shit Cinema

I'm gonna start straight out by saying that for a movie I loved as a child, I really did not enjoy this film as an adult in 2016 and I wholeheartedly apologise to my parents for making them repeatedly hire the VHS. Even the opening  theme song  is annoying. Aside from that its a confusing and vaguely heartfelt tale of a girl who lives on a ship with her pirate father sailing the world and going on adventures finding gold (I think?). She then decides to live on land and somehow has this crap shack of a mansion all to herself (and a talking horse - not even kidding), and befriends some local kids and their family. The rest of it is a bit of a blur. They give out icecream, scrub the floor with brushes on their feet, and I think someone tries to steal her gold, all set to an entirely unmemorable (but catchy in 1988) soundtrack of songs and dance routines. My favourite part is where Pippi washes her clothes and herself at the same time, then spins around in circles rapidly...

Arnold Schwarzenegger's 'acting' debut in 1970's Hercules In New York I don't even know where to begin on this one, honestly. You just have to see this film. Those of you that know me know that I am somewhat of a 'shit' connoisseur, and even I was just absolutely dumbfounded at this one. Let's begin. The year is 1970. A young Arnold Schwarzenegger and his almost indecipherable Austrian accent have just won the Mr Universe title, and someone has the genius brainwave to cast this guy in a film. So here we are in what appears to be "Ancient Greece" - basically someones garden with a few collumn props, fake plants, and the sound of traffic in the background. Hercules decides he wants to go to New York - because somehow they are on some sort of co-existing timeline - and with no explanation whatsoever he gets on a fucking PLANE and arrives in New York.  20 minutes in and I recommend starting a drinking game, one for every time he says his n...